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”“I do not understand,” said the other.The first Arab says, “I was walking along Bloor Street and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man in Canadian Flag attire with a white beard and cowboy hat came boiling out. He said, “I am Captain Canada, the Genie. I can grant you one wish.”I said, “No shit?”God Bless CanadaThis one is compliments of neubergerHere is one that should come with a warning to not drink or eat while reading.“As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his
fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill
them.
What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay’s kids’ stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and
went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don’t sell those things at
Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore. .”“Oh God, how did you do all that...”“Man, you study with the Batman and Robin or something...”I put up my hand; their voices fell but they kept staring like I was going to disappear right before their eyes for my next trick. This had to stop.“I’m just a guy, a nerd, actually, who’s studied a few martial arts moves and got lucky. I didn’t do anything that any of you couldn’t learn, but it takes a few years of study. Lots of people do it. I just have the build that makes it look easy, but it’s just learned muscle reactions, like playing an instrument. Any of you play?” Two raised their hands. “Ok, how long did it take before your playing sounded ok?” Two years, they both allowed. “Right. That’s just about how long it took me to begin to get some proficiency. So no big deal, right? Nothing but eye-muscle automatic response, when you see a note on the page, you don’t think where to put your fingers, yes? They go to the right place without any thought. That’s how my skill is too. Nothing.
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